The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You don't make any sense
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