When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
