Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
