ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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