I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
