Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
