Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
