I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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