I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
