I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
