we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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