I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just made my gag reflex go away.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
