Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
