When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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