she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
