we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
