I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
