I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
