I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
