i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
