Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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