i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
