Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
