I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
