And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
