I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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