now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
