She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i think my cat just said my name.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
