Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
