Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
