Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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