I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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