Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
