i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
