he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
