i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
