I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
