honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
