And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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