BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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