So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
