Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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