Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Randomize
