i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We had to coat check the pizza.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
