There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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