You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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