I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just pee around me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
