His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
