I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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