even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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