You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
