When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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