She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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