I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
