he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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