Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
