so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
