If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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