Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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