Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize