And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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