So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
