my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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