I met the friendliest cop last night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I lost the right to judge tonight
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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