I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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