I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
