I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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