I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
