Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
