just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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