yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
