I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
