I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
