Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
