I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
