So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
