Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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